Fear and frustration
Why you can be "successful" and unhappy
By Julie Melillo
When you want it so much but can't seem to get it, you are living inside the box. You can't see out. It's dark and lonely in that box.
The things that stand in the way of our dreams are smaller than we think. Often, it is not the outside factors that prevent us from reaching our goals – it’s the small blocks within us. These blocks keep us in that box! But these blocks are easy to move. Move them and you will see all the possibilities for your life. You will no longer be living in the box.
How do we start thinking and living in the box in the first place?
Fear. This is the greatest block there is. Fear can be helpful in our lives if it’s protecting us from harm. But sometimes our fears can box us in to lives much too small for who we really are. Our fears can cause us to step into the "box of the status quo," as we sit in a cubicle at work, a square room at home, watching television or staring at a lonely computer screen at night. Avoiding fear can cause you to live in a stuffy, boxed up life when you're longing for a new breath of fresh air.
It can feel like you've packed yourself into a moving box, but you're afraid to step out, break through the packaging tape, and literally step out from the box and into the new beautiful world around you.
When you start to feel disappointed with your life, frustrated, or confused, you have begun the journey. Feeling these emotions means that you’ve already made progress and are well on your way to making big changes and achieving great things. But first, you need to step past fear. Take a peak out of the dark, stuffy box you've been living in. What is beyond these thin cardboard walls? Can anyone do this?
Successful people are scared, just like you
A common misconception is that great people never fear. This is incorrect. Being brave does not mean being fearless! All living things, including people, have fear. Famous leaders, rock stars, politicians and the people we all most admire have fears just as we do. It can be hard to accept, but the people who seem flawless and perfect on television have similar fears that you do.
If we assume that our favorite singer or actor feels no fear, then we have a good excuse for why we don’t have to try – I’m not fearless like them, so I’ll just give up and live in this dark little box where I belong. Hiding behind this makes it easy to live in that stuffy taped up box where it's dark and safe.
But remember, great people are still human, just as you are. They are not in a special category. They simply decided one day, to push up against the top of the box they lived in, until the packing tape snapped, and the light streamed in, and then they stood up, stretched out, stood up as tall as they are and took a step into a new life.
And you too can step up and out of the box you're living in. But what if you're scared?
Even if you've never tried it before, you can
Just because you haven’t tried something yet, doesn’t mean you can’t. The past is gone -- the good and bad is no longer here. In this present moment, you are free to do anything in the world you'd like to do! What would you like most?
You have the potential to try all kinds of new things, see several types of results from your actions, fail a few times perhaps (but it won't be a bad thing - you will feel proud for trying), get up a few more times, and eventually, achieve greatness. You can figure out your own way – your own path. It will be unlike anyone else's. It will be your own beautiful life. Is this possible?
We are all the same
One of the things that struck me when I first began Life Coaching was I started to hear clients tell me the same fears again and again. I was initially shocked: look at this beautiful, successful person sitting before me -- and they have fears too? How is it possible? They're rich and successful and gorgeous! Well, and also afraid. Why? Because we are all human.
I soon realized that we ALL have fears! Whether I was working with a single parent on welfare, or a successful CEO about to start yet another new business, the same fears were present! Can I do it? Do I deserve to do it? Will people laugh at me? Do I have what it takes? Will I fail? What will happen to my life if I achieve this? What will I lose?
Fear of Success
Fear of the future is more than just fear of failure. It is fear of success. In many ways, fear of success is a stronger fear than fear of failure and let me tell you why. If you try and you fail, you may lose some confidence. But the end result will be that you are in the exact same situation you are in now. Let’s say you applied for a job in another town. You failed and didn’t get the job. You may feel upset, but your life is the same.
Now let’s say you successfully land a great job in another town. A great thing, right? Well, think of how this will change your life. You may lose contact with the people who are closest to you. You may no longer have time for your favorite loves in life and activities. Your favorite places and comfortable things to do may be taken away from you forever. No more sitting in your favorite coffee shop or restaurant. Even if you suddenly have more money to pursue wonderful new activities, new friends and places you will soon adore – part of you will need to mourn your old life, your old friends, and the things and people you held dear, who made up all the parts of you and your life. You will need to knock over your old house, to build a new one. Scary? I'd say so!
It's scary outside and comfortable here...
So, to avoid the very real and scary possibility that you could potentially lose everything and everyone dear to us in our lives, we avoid going for what we truly want. We decide that what we have is good enough. Gambling away everything we hold dear just isn’t worth it to us, even if we may have a chance to truly fulfill our potential in our lives, live with purpose, give to the world, succeed beyond our wildest dreams, etc.
The fear of giving up the status quo, the comforts of what is known, the ties we hold dear, and the predictability of our lives is often stronger than the desire for something new. This is understandable of course.
When sunlight streams in...
But sometimes, the desire for something new is just a bit stronger – and that longing for what we want is just a bit more intense. And that is where Life Coaching comes in. For those people who want a new life more than they mind moving past their fears, and letting go of the past – for these people, Life Coaching makes the difference. When you're ready to move past fear and make a difference -- to truly design your new life, you can make it happen! Read testimonials from people who have changed their lives with coaching. These are succesful, strong people who have moved past their fears.
